soft spoken soul [entries|friends|calendar] Sharlene-Mae [ website | Rawkus ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

MOVED. [12 Jun 2005|08:07pm] www.livejournal.com/users/rawkussoul add me <33 verse

can`t even explain how i feel. [09 Apr 2005|10:46pm] tell me who i have to be? to get some reciprocity ... 4verse

..and another one [02 Apr 2005|10:18pm] [ mood | giggly ] [ music | Atmosphere - lovelife ] Alright, so i love being pampered by my boyfriend, come on who doesn`t? It's one of those "best feelings in the world" kind of thing. &he just loves to spoil me very much. So he comes over today, &i haven`t even fixed my hair. i`m on the computer & as soon as he walks in my room, i turn around. He has this Macy*s bag, &i was thinkin in my head "whats that?" so he gives it to me, &when i looked inside; it was the Dooney&Bourke bag that i`ve been wanting! (Previously,i showed him that bag the day before when we were at the mall) Heheh, i love it! Went to in &out &at the mall with it. Hehe..i miss him, he just left 15 min ago =\... So on top of that, i think me &him had good friday &saturday again. N0 big arguements or breakups. amazing? mos def.So school's coming up, not excited but excited to see my DiS girls. lmao. I really wanna avoid my teachers though, cuz i have a lot of tests/quizzes to makeup &im sure as hell that i`m not ready for them. I`m tired now. 2verse

cuz love has always been good to me [29 Mar 2005|10:24am] see no one loves you more than me, &no one ever will *Sigh, so here i am. In love. HAHAHA. and indeed missing him.Another day without him..What the hell am i going to do today? 10verse

i`m never gonna be you [28 Mar 2005|12:45pm] [ mood | cynical ] [ music | Atmosphere - complicated maze ] i`m almost 18,i have my license,i wear makeup,i wear a BRA,i got my period ever since 7th grade,i`m not a you know what (and you know that!,&i don`t care if this shit is worldwide, i`m not a closet freak, and i`m not a whore) &i know how to fix myself up so stop trying to think that i`m your little girl still, stop treating me like i`m never gonna grow up.Stop thinking that i`m gonna fail and end up a teenage Mom like you did. You think you understand me, but you don`t. Yes i have made stupid mistakes, &you have too. Yeah what i did is wrong, but N0THiNG HAPPENED. You can`t put that through your head becuz i`ve lied to you way too much. So whats the point of me telling you the truth. "Mothers' know best" You`re right, but Mother doesn`t know that daughter is telling the truth. 2verse

who wants to be ordinary? [26 Mar 2005|08:17pm] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | From First to last - emily ] Today wasn`t what i expected.I never realized that just one mistake can bring you down &take away everything. I sincerely hate starting over. Whether; starting fresh at a new school, starting a new set of friends, 0K you get the point. Change is so hard to do because it doesn`t take a sec, min,hour,day,week or even a month for a person to change. It takes time. I can`t last a change for even 2months. I always end up back at square one. The more i go back there, the less i have the motivation to change. It's not only hurting me, but it's hurting the one i love &my family. I`m sitting here, with my hair pulled back, eating my aunt's cooking, &my eyes are puffy &swollen. i`ve been scared &frightened the whole day. I can`t think of what to do or say. But the only thing thats really on my mind is when he said "i don`t know if i can do this" That made my heart stop &shredded into pieces. I tried holding back the tears, but i couldn`t get a hold of it. Sure i`ve been in love a couple of times, but not to the point where i don`t wanna move on without him &i don`t wanna START over with someone else. Thats how much he got to me. When he hugged me tight, i felt secured &loved. something i never felt from the others. when he told me that he can`t let me go, i couldn`t help getting weak inside. (Don`t think im 0BSESSED with him or like it's the end of the world for me if i`m not with him noo!) The whole time we felt ashamed &petrified, but still we held close. My aunt started lecturing us. It's not one of those boring lectures that you listen to that comes out from one ear to another. It's one of those, shut up, listen cuz it's a slap from reality. The end, our relationship felt brand new to me. I was less panicky, but more stressed. All these, what is she gonna say, do, what will happen questions crossed my mind. By the time he left, i felt alone &quiet. So tmrw's Easter Sunday. What i really hate about myself &some particular people is that, when people pray it's not a prayer, it's more like a "gimme this, or gimme that" i do ask for things, but i also conclude others. Wow alright, im going to end it here, i`m getting to the point where i feel like im one of them preachers on BET Sunday mornings. For now -- hope for the best 6verse

i hate being sick. [23 Mar 2005|12:28pm] [ mood | nauseated ] [ music | Matchbook Romance - tiger lily ] So i haven`t gone to school in 2days. I hate being sick. I hate making up work or tests/quizzes. I went to the Doctors today, got my prescription &headed off to Walgreens. I saw Randy there, (shouldn`t he be at school??) Funny thing happened there while i was sitting down waiting patiently for my medications, there was this filipino lady who was just starring at me, so i starred back; then all of a sudden an old asian lady walks by FARTS loud like a trombone &i couldn`t sit there i was dying from laughin. I looked at the filipino lady again, she starred back as well, &she laughed covering her mouth &just looked away. W00 highlight of my day 2days ago it was our 7months, unfortunately we didn`t see each other. I`m not surprised nor mad, i understand fully. He lives over there &i`m over here. As long as i trust him &he trusts me, then it's all good. i miss him. i`m hungry, jealous, &jumping to conclusions.i think im a lil too late to know this that apparently Ciara used to be man? Sick.So spring break starts this friday for me, &why doesn`t it look like "Spring" to me?I`m not in the mood for anything. 7verse

[20 Mar 2005|07:28pm] [ mood | loved ] [ music | Three Plus - honey baby ] Let's put it this way; "0NE 0F THE BEST WEEKEND EVER!". Despite that the weather was horrible, i enjoyed sharing it with my Nate &family. So it started out on Friday. School, uhm nothing interesting. After school, went home &waited for Nate. By the time he came here,we chilled with Lion. Cuddled, you know how couples are ;) Everybody was just in a good mood. No arguements, or muggs at each other, it was perfect. Saturday; woke up early to go to the DMV with my Mom. Then she took me out to breakfast at iH0P! Afterwards, went home. Took another shower, waited for Nate to come. Aww,he bought me the 13s FLiNTS ;) and we get to start on that Scrapbook thingy since his Dad bought us it! Hehe, it's cute. My Sisters invited me &Nate to come with them to watch The Ring 2, so we went with them. Ugh, it was OK. The first one was better &scary. It had a FEW jumps &screams but it wasn`t all that. Went home, then my Mom decides to go to frisko with Margret &my Aunt to go shopping, so Nate &I decided to buy In &Out. Left, came back and just chilled til my sis came home. Then they all decided to play poker. Nate ended up sleeping over ;) Sunday Psalm Sunday!, JAM PACKED full of seasonal church go-ers (which irritates me) Long mass, couldn`t understand shit. Then i drove back home, chilled with Nate. Watched AnchorMan &The Incredibles. We had a lil itty bitty arguement but got over it, &started to just play around &laugh at stupid random stuff ;) He left 2hrs ago &i miss him already ;( I probably left like a bunch of details, but blah. Tmrw is Monday, i`m not usually excited on Mondays, but tmrw i`m excited for it to be Monday. WHY? Cuz it's mine &Nate's 7months ;) Lol, this is a bit homo, but he's going to be my longest relationship. Awesome. That's it, hopefully it doesn`t rain anymore. 8verse

my heart stops beating from here. [12 Mar 2005|09:39pm] [ mood | melancholy ] [ music | DC - chasing the ghost of the good thing ] "i could die from the words that you say.." i wish that you would understand but you won`t. i`m tired of trying &explaining myself for you to accomodate. i wish i was happy. 1verse

BiTCH iT AiN`T 0VER. [07 Mar 2005|07:31pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | Mac Dre - fire ] Life's improving. I just recieved a letter from Cyndle, it made me smile &miss her even more. Today, normal day, WAiT -- it was a SUNNY normal day <33 School was school, nothing interesting happened. After school, Margret &I went shopping. Bought stuff at A&e and Hollister. Lol, i love my sister; she always knows how to make me &others laugh.We bought food at Wendys, &went home. That was my day. I miss my baby verse

Xanga's being a bitch. [02 Mar 2005|04:14pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | Sublime - Santeria ] I wish i can say that i love my life but right now, it's being a bitch. I love my family ,friends &boyfriend to death, but sometimes they can be so effin' hard to deal with. Ok ok ok, maybe i need to learn that i can`t always get what i want. But i put AL0T of efforts &sacrifices ,and in result i don`t get rewarded. I guess that's LiFE. G00DBYE WiNTER/RAiN ...hello Spring/Summer. I really need to organize my clothes. Take out all of the longsleeves/sweatshirts/jackets &replace them with tanktops/tee's/shorts/skirts etc. But please tell me why www.weather.com gives me false weather report. On Monday, it was spose to rain &i`m at school bumming it &it's all sunny and warm. Jeez.. This week has it's ups &downs. Margret and I decided to relax, so we head off to get my nails done &a pedicure for her. I was in super relaxed mode. Until we arrived at my Dad's house, where my Grandma talked to us about my parents &other things about "disrespect, &grudge" I`m just going to roll my eyes on that subject...So i got the check, left &went straight home. L0VE LiFE;Lately, Nate &I have been really argueing, &breaking up too many times.It's ridiculous. Don`t get me wrong, there are times where i just want to let go, but there's something about him that makes me think twice..and by the end of the night, we're happy to be back together.I`ve never had a boyfriend who can put up with me. Sounds cheesy, but he's the one. To be honest with you, i have made a large amount of mistakes, lied so bad &at the same time get caught by him -- and still he forgives me &treats me right. Well ok, face it; no one is THE perfect girlfriend/boyfriend out there. I guess thats all that i have to say. I`ll TRY &post pictures on friday since it's spirit week. (Hah, hardly anybody dressed this whole week!) 1verse

Didn`t go to school today =) [16 Feb 2005|12:29pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | Amanda singing "Nandito ako" ] I didn`t go to school yesterday &today. I`m sick, no really i am. I felt like updating this cuz it seemed so lonely. So why is it that everytime i find a new close friend, she ends up leaving to a far away city? Jeebus. The weather today looked ALOT better than yesterday. This song is getting on my damn nerves. Lil jon feat.Usher &Ludacris - lovers &friends On myspace, wherever you click onto, that song always effin plays. Anyways..thats all for now verse

smile like you fuckin mean it. [31 Dec 2004|02:13pm] [ mood | cynical ] [ music | Something Corporate - Ruthless ] I think i`ll be bloggin here from now on...give me some love <33 i just can`t look, it's killing me &taking control. This years is going to suck, but atleast i`m going to be with my darling <3 i just love being a bitch. oh come on,you know you act like one sometimes! LOL PUSSY POWER!!!! 1verse

to you from me. [15 Dec 2004|03:50pm] this song reminds me and Nathan. Jean Grae - love song i <3 him. verse

Shoot me in the fucking head. [14 Nov 2004|12:52pm] [ mood | fucking shit. ] [ music | The Killers - Mr.Brightside ] For most part, i suck at life.If life was a real job, i`d be fired. no doubt. I`m always fucking up. When i was a kid, a mistake was never meant to hurt anybody, now that im not a kid anymore every mistake i make haunts me back 3x harder. Not only does it affect me, but it affects my family. if i suffer, my whole family suffers much worse. i never meant to hurt anybody... just cut my into pieces already. i don`t deserve anything. 1verse

i fucking hate you. [12 Nov 2004|05:38pm] [ mood | pissed off ] [ music | Yeah yeah yeahs - no no no ] it's been awhile since i blogged in here. oh yeah one more thing. I FUCKING HATE YOU. 2verse

[29 Jun 2004|05:18pm] Michelle Branch - Goodbye to you Of all the things I've believed in I just want to get it over with Tears form behind my eyes But I do not cry Counting the days that pass me by I've been searching deep down in my soul Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old It feels like I'm starting all over again The last three years were just pretend And I said, Goodbye to you Goodbye to everything that I knew You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to The one thing that I tried to hold on to I still get lost in your eyes And it seems that I can't live a day without you Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away To a place where I am blinded by the light But it's not right And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time I want what's yours and I want what's mine I want you But I'm not giving in this time And when the stars fall I will lie awake You're my shooting star you left me for an ugly girl.. verse

[23 Jun 2004|05:49pm] John Mayer - St Patrick's Day Where have i been lately? Back on bloggin on xanga. I don`t know why. Lol,ofcourse i miss my livejournal =) Let see whats been going on. I`m happy to be with Jason,i got a new phone!,lots of emo days, but i think i`m over it. So that`s good. Summer schools going to soon,i`m pretty excited hahah.i can`t wait! woo. hm..i still think about him though which really sucks ass. i wonder if he ever thinks about me? oh wells..for now..toodles. verse

PR0M and a whole lotta bullshit. [06 Jun 2004|10:05pm] "Taking Back Sunday - Your own disaster" Prom was tremendously stunning. Even though the dance floor was small, DJ played dull music, &the whole preparing for prom was a hassle, i still had the best night of my life. The limo ride was hilarious! We played Concentration,&1 2 lets play zoo. The whole champaigne bottle with Neil, that was CLASSiC. I didn`t dance much, i had a gruesome headache that wouldn`t go away. When prom ended, i fell asleep in Jason`s arms til we arrived at my sister's apartment. We were watching The Punisher. But i fell asleep. Woke up again and talked with Jason =) It was just perfect. I spent the whole day with him. No arguements, just giving each other the unconditional love, it was enchanting. By morning, we just looked at each other. And whenever i tried to sleep again, he`d mess around with me! Lol, we watched Mean Girls, i must say, it was a cute bopper movie. I liked it. Lindsay Lohan,SUPER HOT. After the movie, we decided to head on home. The whole day was just stay home while i try on new makeup that mother bought me from MAC. i love it ..a lot =) At night,do you ever find yourself reminiscing about the past, or observing what the future might take you? There are so many things that i regret doing in the past, and hoping that i won`t make the same mistake in the future. But then i realized, if those things never happened you wouldn`t be the person who you are today. Maybe the stuff that happened to you is just a reality slap and it's fate thats bringing you to your future. I learned from my Older Sister a lot today. I`ve learned so much that what i had done before,has effected a lot of people. It makes me feel really devistated inside. I should`ve never done those things. I lost so much trust and patients from people i really love and care about. It's gonna take time for these wounds to heal... i`m just hoping that fate has its way and take me to a whole new level... 2verse

[03 Jun 2004|06:07pm] [ emotions ] happy.but somewhat hurt [ turntables ] Sage Francis - Mutiny SENiOR BALL iS iN 2DAYS AND i`M S0 FUCKiNG EXCiTED.ok i`m lazy. toodles 1verse

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